Hades
by Zevus
Summary: Lucas is excited for his first day of 7th grade. Sequel to "Hell." Crackfic.
1. First Day

**Author's Unimportant Note: This is a sequal to "Hell." You don't have to read that one to understand this one, but read it anyway. My writing has improved since I wrote "Hell," but I'm going to try and keep the layouts similar. It'll probably have more plot, too.**

* * *

"OKAY LITTLE LUCAS TIME FOR SCHOOL."

"Little" Lucas jumped quickly out of bed, brushing his teeth and putting on his shoes. He did not want to be late for his first day of 7th grade.

He shuddered at the all too explicit memory of his death. Poor Lucas had died two times; his father had ripped off his head out of anger, and his best friend Remy had killed him with an ax. It was only by the grace of Devil Clooney that he was allowed back on earth, determined to be a good boy.

He ate his Lucky Charms quickly, careful not to spill milk on his new plaid button-up shirt.

Father Lucas, back from a one month stunt in prison, was snoring on the couch. "Don't wake him." Mother Lucas had whispered. Lucas nodded and she smiled and walked away.

"LUCAS! IT'S ALMOST 7:45. GET YOUR ASS TO SCHOOL!"

* * *

"Aw, look. Wittle Wucas is back from summer break. Hasn't even grown an inch."

Greg was leaning against the steps, grinning. He had soil spread across his cheeks as if to impersonate a beard. Last year, Greg had suffered a severe injury to his thigh; Lucas had stabbed him. He now carried a cane, even though he really didn't need it. He only had a minor limp.

Lucas ignored him, brushing past Greg's minion, James. James looked nervous, glued to Greg's side.

Greg tripped him, beat the crap out of him, and shoved his cane in the small of Lucas' back. "Listen, bitch. I told you I didn't care about my injury last year, but your little punkass will pay."

James yelped as Greg shoved him out of his way, stomping in the school.

* * *

The school had installed a TV in every class room so the school news could be broadcasted with ease. As Lucas sat down in the cleanest chair he could find, Lisa shoved her way into the room.

"HEY LUCAS! LOOK AT ME!" She twirled around in a hideous sun dress. "I'VE LOST WEIGHT!"

"Erm, yeah, you have." Lucas tried to be polite, as he was raised that way. Lisa was the school fatass, with pig tails, square glasses, and a burning crush on Greg, she could easily be mistaken as a baby land whale.

Luckily, Chris voiced Lucas' thoughts. "No you haven't. It looks as if you GAINED, weight. Har." He gave Eric a high five, but Eric was asleep and didn't really react.

Lisa huffed and sat down in front of Lucas, which she always did.

Robert and Allison entered the class room holding hands, skipping, daisies in their hair. Allison was wearing her girl scout uniform. Any trace of her broken nose was gone; Remy had punched her when Allison implied she was gay.

Chris started to chant. "Fuck her, fuck her, fuck her, fuck her!"

Robert hissed.

"MARRIAGE FIRST." Allison screamed in Chris' ear. Chris was a good bit taller than her. He was supposed to be in 9th grade.

James was helping Greg apply wet soil to his cheeks. "More, Jimmy. I haven't shaved in a few days."

"You do realize that when worms start to grow from your face, NO ONE is going to feel sorry for you?"

Lucas turned to see Remy standing behind Greg. She was taller, now almost a head taller than Lucas himself.

"Shut the fuck up, you stupid dyke." Greg raised his head, picking up his cane. "At least I have a GIRLFRIEND. You don't."

James looked shocked, staring at Greg. "Greggkins, who?" He wiped a tear off his cheek.

"Stacy. She just got probation, and we're back together." Stacy Humblebee was their crazy homeroom teacher in 6th grade that had an illegal relationship with Greg.

The bell rang, and people scuttled in their seats. Robert was sitting on Lucas' left, Allison on his right.

Their teacher walked in. She was young, with blonde hair and a mean face. "Hello. My name is Mrs. Volakis. But the hot guys can call me Amber."

"FAIL ATTEMPT AT HUMOR!" Screamed Greg, but was silenced by James.

"She's pretty." He whispered, his eyes softening.

Remy squinted. "Cutthroat bitch."

Lucas stared at her. "You haven't even met her."

"I know 'em when I see 'em, Losercus."

Lucas sighed at his new nickname. 7th grade would be interesting.

* * *

"Psst. Lucas. Pass Robert this note." Allison elbowed him.

Lucas picked up the piece of paper, reading it.

_Dear Robbybuns, U R my life. i luv u sooo much. XOXOXOXO. -Alli_

Lucas, feeling daring, tore off a new sheet of paper. He scribbled something down and handed it to Robert.

Robert's eyes widened at the note.

_Dear Robbybuns, i decided i am gay. remy and i will be goin 2 cali 2morow. sorree. -Alli Hadley_

Robert stood up, angry. "REMY FUCKING HADLEY. WHERE ARE YOU?"

Uh-oh.


	2. Detention

Robert's eyes darted around the room. He squinted. "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?"

"Right here, loser." Remy gave a wave from across the room.

Robert stumbled over to her, the note clutched in his soft womanly hands. "You can't just steal my girlfriend like that!" He blubbered, tears streaking out of his eyes.

Lucas slouched lower in his chair, looking at Allison's reaction. She was screaming. "WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, ROBBYBUNS?" She shot up.

"The note you sent me. It said 'Dear Robbybuns, I decided I am gay. Remy and I will be going to Cali tommorow. Sorry. -Alli Hadley.' Lucas gave it to me." He finished.

All eyes turned on him, and he felt Remy's burning a hole in his head. Before he could dart away to safety, Mrs. Volakis spoke up.

"CLASS. CLASS." She clapped her hands together. "WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE LEARNING ABOUT AIDS. SETTLE DOWN."

Greg nudged James softly and the boy stood up suddenly, sweating. "Um, Mrs. Volakis, I mean Amber, I have to tell you something. I, I-" He held up a rose. "Wuv you."

Chris laughed like a maniac, and Eric rolled to the front of the room.

Lisa glared angrily at James. "Jimmy, you're supposed to leave a note on her desk. Duh." She swirled again in her sun dress before sitting down.

Mrs. Volakis yawned, leaning back. "Hadley, Chase, and Cameron, see me after class." She twirled her hair. "Oh yeah, you too, Douglas."

Lucas gulped and re-tucked in his shirt. The bell rung, and Lisa pushed him down. Lunch was next.

The three other people were already at the front of the class. He hurried up.

Mrs. Volakis looked bored. "Douglas, give me the original note Cameron gave you. Chase, give me the one Douglas so kindly gave you." Lucas fished the note out of his pocket and handed it to her. Robert did the same.

She read them. "Douglas, it's impressive how you're able to copy handwriting so perfectly. But, what I don't understand is why you would bring Hadley into the note, as you two appear to be friends."

Lucas gulped again, not meeting Remy's eye. "I thought it would spur amusement out of all parties involved."

Allison growled. "You can't get out of this by using big words, Lucas."

Mrs. Volakis rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me you actually thought all _parties_ would be amused. I already ate a bowl of bullshit for breakfast."

Allison's eyes widened. "YOU SAID THE S WO-" Robert elbowed her and she stopped.

"Why, Douglas, did you write that Cameron had turned gay with Hadley?"

The words came out of Lucas' mouth before he could stop them. "Because that's what Remy wants to happen."

"YOU LITTLE FUCKING PRICK!" Remy jumped at him. "I WOULDN'T EXPECT YOU, OUT OF ALL PEOPLE, TO INFLAME THAT STUPID FUCKING RUMOR!" She kicked him in the crotch, and Lucas fell to his knees, eyes tearing up.

Volakis didn't seem to care. "All four of you have detention after school today. Cameron, Douglas, and Chase for passing notes, and Hadley for assaulting a student. Leave."

They left.

* * *

Lisa stuffed chunks of cheeseburger in her mouth, gulping it down as Lucas sat at her table. "Why hello, Lukiekins." She blushed.

Lucas stared unhappily at his cheeseburger. "How am I s'posed to apologize to Remy?"

"I feel you, dude." Chris was playing a video game on a console he snuck into the cafiteria. "Yo, Foremster, check out my highscore."

"Dude, shut the fuck up, I'm sleeping."

Lisa slapped her fat hands against the table. "You don't need that bitch, Lucas, _I_ can be your friend."

Lucas choked at the thought.

* * *

Detention. It was a scary place. Lucas ran his fingers through his boyish hair, sighed, and walked in the dark classroom. When he walked in, the door slammed shut and locked behind him. There was no teacher.

Everybody else was already there. Robert and Allison were holding hands, kissing each other's cheek awkwardly. Remy was sitting in the last row, staring at the ceiling fan. And, to Lucas' surprise, Greg and James were there also.

"Why are you guys here?" Lucas asked.

"Dumb bitch Volakis caught me and Jim trying to light her desk on fire." Greg pulled out a box of matches, some gasoline, and a cigarette lighter. "I still have a stash though."

Lucas plopped down in a desk next to Remy, deciding to be daring and un-tuck his shirt. He was not with sophisticated company. He pulled out a piece of paper and scribbled a note on it, which he handed to Remy. They went back and fourth a couple of times.

_Dear Remy, I'm sorry for writing that note about you. -Lucas_

_**Sorry? Sorry? You'll have to do better than fucking that. And why the fuck do you sign your notes, I know you're the one giving it to me.**_

_I'm sorry if that upsets you. I will not do it anymore. If you be friends with me, I'll trade lockers with you._

_**Why the fuck would trading lockers do anything? What locker do you have?**_

_Number 13._

Remy looked up, smiled, and balled up the note, throwing it at Robert and Allison, who were now outright face sucking.

Lucas sweated with relief. Now the only thing he had to worry about was when Father Lucas found out he got detention.

* * *

"LUCAS HONEY WE WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU WHERE HAVE YOU BEEEEEEEN!" Screeched Mother Lucas as her son walked in the house.

"Yeah boy, where were you?" Father Lucas opened his beer, stubble growing on his chin.

"I got detention for..." Lucas trailed off nervously.

"WHAT DID YOU DO BOY?"

"I-I kicked a boy in the crotch because he tried to steal my lunch money!" Lucas lied.

Mother Lucas scolded him. "You shouldn't do that." Father Lucas looked at him proudly, but before he could speak Lucas ran up the stairs, locking the door to his room and curling up into a ball on his bed.

He never was a good liar.


End file.
